i lost the meaning of my name

i lost the meaning of my name..
that's what i perceive lately
i try to think of how come it has been
i keep pondering of how come i just let it be
maybe i didn't realize it
but then
i continue my thought of how come i was not realized of it

i used to pray
" O Allah, lead me into sencerity in any deed that i do, and lead me into passion everytime i worship to you.."
yes, i used to say this pray
in fact now, sometimes
alas, how come i did less recite it as the time went on
did i forget to do it?
if so, how come i did forget it
maybe, or for sure
i already knew the answer..

is that any wrong with me..
that has led me to lost the meaning of my name
logically yes
as i said
i already knew the answer
how come i was led into this
how come i could get rid all the stuff that has led me into this
this circumstance
which sometimes overwhelming me with the feeling of being so bad
the feeling of ashamed
which i know not of them surrounding me(maybe sometimes)
yet it's only of myself
yes
im fairly ashamed of myself

hopefully, though i know there has been someone
i hope there would be someone
the one that could lead me back
into the path of the meaning of my name..